Bieber fever is worse than measles, according to actual science

Bieber fever is more infectious than measles, a new study suggests.

The study found that the hysteria over singer Justin Bieber has the ability to spread effortlessly to children all over the world, with no signs of stopping.

The work was conducted by University of Ottawa masters student Valerie Tweedle and her professor, Robert J. Smith? (he added the question mark to separate himself from all the other Bob Smiths out there). Tweedle and the questionable (heh) professor used formulas to predict the spread of diseases and found that Bieber fever is the most contagious modern disease.

Symptoms of Bieber fever include uncontrollable crying and/or screaming, excessive purchasing of memorabilia, distraction from everyday life and making poor life choices, like copying Bieber’s famous side-swept hairstyle.

The researchers say that the disease has to ability to infect and re-infect a generation of children — and that it won’t stop any time soon.

Tweedle and Smith? say that the only predictable end to the Fever would be the Lindsay Lohan effect, or sustained negative publicity.

“Through constant exposure, Bieber fever has incubated and spread. Millions are already infected, with more at risk every day. Action is urgently needed,” the authors say.

Despite the overdramatics, the authors say they recognize that Bieber fever isn’t an actual disease.

“Obviously it’s not formally a disease, but it has the hallmarks of a disease,” Smith? says about The Fever. “And so it behaves the way a disease would.”

During a recent trip to a friend’s elementary school classroom, Smith? found that all but one of the nine-year-old students liked Bieber. Similarly, while on a trip to Senegal to teach students from all over Africa, he found that all students knew Bieber there as well.

“We do all have this common language now,” Smith? says. “We all speak Bieber.”

Source: The National Post